Teaching Love New Tricks
When courage means setting healthy boundaries
My Story
Witnessing your own reaction to dire health news is illuminating.
You learn who you are under pressure — whether you run, fight, freeze, or hide to survive.
Then comes the next storm front: the people who love you.
Family and friends — each with their own histories, fears, and coping styles — suddenly become part of your diagnosis. Every connection can either be a catalyst for healing or an accidental suffocation.
One of the ways courage truly cures is by actively educating others about what you need — and when. None of us is an island. The tide that lowers your boat lowers everyone else’s, too.
I found telling my loved ones my potential fate was more painful than hearing it myself. A different kind of grief arises when you’re emotionally entangled in someone else’s despair. It’s intimate, it’s beautiful, and it’s unbearable.
So I made a choice: to guide them before their grief guided me.
I guessed what I needed from each person — and told them.
What support looked like. What energy I needed. What wouldn’t help.
I asked for level-headedness at the table.
For tears, yes — but not in front of me.
For courage, humour, and love to be present in the room.
Victims don’t do well with cancer. Neither do those surrounded by them.
So I built boundaries — not walls, but guidelines for healing.
Because healing is an energy game, and everyone on your team needs to know the rules.
The Lesson
When you educate your loved ones about what you need, you’re not controlling — you’re leading.
Boundaries don’t push people away; they give everyone a chance to show up better.
Your courage becomes the example that invites theirs.
🦁 Healthy boundaries don’t limit love — they refine it.
A Reframe for Anyone Struggling with This
You are not responsible for how others process your illness.
You are responsible for the energy you let in while you heal.
Love them — but don’t carry them.
Inform them — but don’t absorb them.
Reflective Prompts
Ask yourself gently:
What kind of energy truly nourishes me right now?
Who helps me feel safe, calm, or hopeful?
What specific support do I need from each person in my circle?
What boundaries could actually strengthen our connection?
A Science-Supported Spark
Research in psychoneuroimmunology shows that emotional regulation and social harmony directly affect immune function.
Setting boundaries reduces stress hormones like cortisol — allowing your parasympathetic nervous system (your “healing mode”) to engage more fully.
Your relationships literally influence your recovery chemistry.
Anchor Thought
Healing is teamwork — but you’re the captain of this vessel.
Calm waters start with clear communication.
Next Step
Every conversation can become an act of courage.
Let’s make your communication match your healing intentions.
